we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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