I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
