In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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