You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
