Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
