I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Two words: nipple clamps
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