Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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