kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
