This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
