Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
