Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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