I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I skipped work to stalk him.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
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