Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
