There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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