hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize