im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
