totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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