I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
