wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
