All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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