I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
