thus making me awesome and them whores
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
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