u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
