just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
