I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
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