My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
