went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
