i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
