My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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