I met the friendliest cop last night
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
