OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
