I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
