At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
