but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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