Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
