I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
