There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
