so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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