Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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