foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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