When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
