dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
