When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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