when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
