Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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