I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
