dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
