ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
