we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
