I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize