I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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