You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize