We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Less talking, more tequila
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
