Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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