I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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