I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize