I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
