You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The power of my boobs compel you
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
