1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
