Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
FUCK WHALES
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
