Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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