Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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