I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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