i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Everyone says I win the strip club
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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