i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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