i permit you to call me
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
