It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize