There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
