Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
