Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
