My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
