you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
