Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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