i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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