just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
