Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You are the jesus of drinking
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
