i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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