Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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