I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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