3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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