i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
