its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
