I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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