Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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