Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
