you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
