I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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