Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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