He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
