I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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