fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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