How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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