I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
