We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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