His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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