I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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