just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
