Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
