Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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