so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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