my phone needs a breathalizer
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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