im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
