well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
