two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
