This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You were trust falling into bushes
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
