i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
