I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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