I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
