You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
