We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
