Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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